In 1st grade I had two really close friends; a blonde girl named Emily, and a brunette named Anna. They hated each other. The concept was idiotic to me, as we were all in Catholic school, we dressed the same, and the girls were separated from the boys so there were not many other peers we could encounter. The boys had an entire soccer field to play on, with a few trees scattered out in the distance, while the girls were forced to stay on the grassy knoll and watch as they ran around.
An aerial shot of my actual grade school.
Ashley (I am pretty sure her name was not actually Ashley, but she sure looked like an Ashley), was a chubby – short dirty blonde girl with a heart of coal. I think the reason she hung out with me was basically the same concept as a child that is given a toy they don’t actually want, they hate it but they play with it anyway.
One day while playing basketball during P.E. Ashley ran up to Emily and I “Guess what!”
We both looked at her hanging off her every word. “What? What?” We said together, eyes wide and totally silent.
“Have you heard of R Kelly.”
“No.” 1st grade, we were listening to country music or Raphy.
“He is this really gross guy that peed on a girl.”
I didn’t understand this concept at all. First off, why hadn’t the girl moved? Second, how did he actually manage to do that? At the time the only knowledge I had of the human anatomy was the woman’s, I believe I assumed everyone came with the same body parts.
“Gross.” Emily said.
“Yeah, better hope it doesn’t happen to you.” She hissed at us and walked away. Emily looked at me distraught.
“Don’t worry about it; we don’t even know R Kelly.” I said.
I wonder what a child was told that information for in the first place. How did she know that had occurred, and what purpose did it serve? Plus no one spoke like that in Catholic school, or church…
Bad words in Catholic school are not what one might imagine either. Saying the lord’s name in vain, or “crap” is looked down on as a high offense.
One day while sitting in class Anna showed Ashley her brand new ring, given to her by her Father earlier that day, it was on her middle finger so Ashley raised up her hand and yelled to the teacher without being called on “ANNA JUST FLIPPED THE BIRD!”
I am not kidding you when I say that no one but the teacher understood what that meant, as Ashley continued to shriek about Anna flipping her off. Anna began to cry. All my peers and I just stared as if a bird was going to fly out of Anna’s hand. It never did.
“Oh my God, you killed Emily!”
Valentine’s Day later that year we all sat outside under the shade of a large Pine Tree, eating cupcakes and talking about first grade drama, “I have a secret, but you have to keep it quiet.” She informed everyone at the table. We all nodded in agreement. She leaned over and whispered into Tracy’s ear. Tracy went ridged, leaned over and told the next girl, then that girl told the next. It was like ghetto telephone; finally it came to me, second to the last…
“Don’t say Bloody Mary three times out loud, or she will come to you in the bathroom when you shut the lights off, burn a hole the middle of your head and she will kill you!” The girl whispered in my ear (as most people know this is not exactly the way this happens but what does one expect when playing ghetto telephone).
I turned to Emily, conflicted because I didn’t want to tell her, but clearly I had to because what if one day for some reason she accidently yelled Bloody Mary’s name?! “Don’t say Bloody Mary three times out loud or she will kill you.”
Emily looked at me horrified and began screaming at the top of her lungs “BLOODY MARY… BLOODY MARY… BLOODY MMMMMMM” We all jumped at her, or on her to make her stop.
“What are you doing?” Someone said.
Tears were in my eyes; my best friend was going to die.
Emily dusted herself off, as she had actually fallen off the bench in the hubbub. “What, I thought you said to say Bloody Mary three times out loud or she would kill me?”
Ashley explained to us that Emily had summoned Mary from the deepest darkest depths of hell; she would come through the mirror and bore a hole into Emily’s skull. For certain Emily would be dead by morning.
Mary Queen of Scots
How she has been depicted for years after her death…
At home I hardly said a word, while my Mom cooked dinner and I sat on top of the counter watching her. She had placed me up there since I was a baby so she could keep an eye on me, and to this day I will sit on the counter waiting for her to ask me for help with the cooking, or just to chat.
“How was your day, Sonya?” My Mom said kindly, knowing that something was wrong.
I began sobbing, telling her everything that happened that day. My Mom tried not to laugh as she talked me down from the monster that was going to claim my friend’s life. Having your Mom tell you that something horribly scary is absolutely ridiculous is relieving in many ways, but somewhere deep inside I was sure she just hadn’t heard of the Woman before and the only way I would know for sure was if Emily was alive the next day. Emily was in fact alive the next day, shaken and it looked like she had gotten no sleep but alive.
–To this day I will not say Mary’s name out loud three times in a row, eff that-
Sans Training Wheels
I had a shiny red tricycle I absolutely loved and rode everywhere, until the day my Dad found a purple bicycle with plastic wheels and a picture of a care bear in the alley. The bike was worn out and not very shiny, but I LOVED IT!!!
After some discussions about the bike it was decided that I would learn to ride it without training wheels to this day I think that is seriously bad ass, but it clearly hindered my abilities over those that had training wheels at least for the first few months. Who should be invited to my house around the same time to hang out, but Ashley (her Mom got together with mine because “Ashley has very few friends, it would be good for her to get out and have some fun. “).
Ashley looked like a linebacker riding on her bike, she had outgrown it yet she continued to use it as it had training wheels and her parents told her she wouldn’t have them on her next bike.
Once my parents went inside, Ashley began circling me like a shark.
“Have you ever fallen off your bike?” She asked nastily, her straw hair blowing in the wind.
“Yes.”
“Lately?”
“No,” I said proudly “it’s been a few weeks actually.”
“Let’s change that!” She charged at me with her straw hair, her linebacker body, and her four wheeled bike. I fell into my neighbors bushes. “I didn’t mean to do that!” She said quickly, smiling at me like a snake.
She didn’t help me up. She didn’t need to. I recognized we hated one another, and this would be the last time she was welcome in my home.
The Great Mysteries of This World
Months after our last encounter, days and days of juggling between Emily time and Anna time, I found myself face to face with Ashley once again.
She walked up to me and side shouldered me. Seriously I was one of the smallest kids in our class, and I am pretty sure she was held back a year so that fight would have been over in seconds.
“I was given a golden pin today!” She said moving her head back and forth, as if to say na-na-na boo-boo.
“Really?” I responded while walking away.
“Yes, and you know what it says?” She jumped on her tip-toes as if her voice would project better.
I didn’t answer her.
“It says God Loves Me Best.” She yelled to me as I walked down the breeze-way.
My mind was blown, it couldn’t be true. Seriously God couldn’t love her at all, let alone best. I know that is not what we are taught in school; we are taught that everyone is loved by God equally, but he seriously couldn’t love her!
I just had to let it go.
***
A year later, I was in public school. Learning there are much worse cuss words than Crap and God (in vain).
At the new house, after all the boxes had been unpacked and everything was tranquil, I lay down on the plush green shag carpet in my new room and began daydreaming about the new life I had. Missing Jessica, but understanding this move meant that our family might be growing and that fact made the move that much easier.
Something tugged at my long red hair, as I sat up. This wasn’t unusual as the room had once been used as a sewing room, and for the first few years I stepped on multiple metal things, usually pins and needles; really painful, surprises that one could never anticipate. The object had wrapped itself around my hair and the more I tugged the worse it got.
It was shiny gold.
When I finally got it free it read GOD IS LOVE.
To this day I have no idea how it ended up in that room. I never physically took it from her, but I did have a sigh of relief knowing that it didn’t actually say God Loves Me Best and (on a less nice scale) that Ashley clearly did not know how to read.
-ducksoup- 