Why Are You Naked?

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diary, doctors, family, humor, life, naked, personal, relationships, sick, urgent care

December 25, 2010, I sobbed in my boyfriends arms because I was missing Christmas with my family for the first time ever.  My throat was burning, I couldn’t hear anything, I was freezing but my body was blazing.  Later I was diagnosed with an upper respiratory infection and a double ear infection, to which my best friend responded “What are you five?”

Thanks I feel like shit, and you’re an asshole.

A few weeks and a crap ton of medication later I was still feeling off, so I decided not to chance it (mainly because my Mom was weeping and telling me that she didn’t want me to die, and people wonder why I am a bit of a hypochondriac (not allowed to watch House ever)).  I went to Urgent Care where about five people were waiting to be seen.  Nearly three hours later I was ushered into a tiny room where my vitals were taken (or whatever it is they do).  The nurse left and the doctor came in.

“What seems to be the problem?”  So I explained to her my pain and previous diagnosis.  She looked at me concerned, handed me a blue paper hospital gown and told me to put it on, and that she would return momentarily.

A little while later she came back and told me we would be taking some X-Rays… cool haven’t had those since my rollover.  She talked to me a bit while she photographed my insides and then we returned to the room.

“I am going to check your X-Rays and be right back.”

I smiled at her, confident this pain would be over shortly.

 

I sat there in the blue gown waiting for her return when a new doctor entered the room.  She looked at me like I had shit all over everything, so I threw the same look back at her; which pissed her off to the point of her leering at me.  WTF is going on?

She looked at my file and just blurted out “Why are you naked?!”

To which I responded in my head what the hell are you talking about I am not naked, I didn’t just find this stupid paper thin outfit, that feels like a burlap sack that’s been through the washer a few times to take a little bit of the tough out of it, then put it on to make you feel uncomfortable.  But in reality I said “The doctor gave it to me.”

“What doctor?”

You’re fucking joking, some crazy bitch just came in here and took photos of my internal organs and you don’t know who the fuck she is?  “The other doctor.”

She didn’t let up on the issue, which really pissed me off when I got about a block away (on my way home), as though I manifested this woman.

The doctor got all my information and walked to the door “Ugh.”  She said in a nasty tone “Put your clothes back on.”  Mind you the entire time I was wearing pants.

I wanted to punch her.

She came back with an inhaler.  “This should help.”

Really with the asthma I don’t have?

 

As she began to explain her theory on why this inhaler would help me with my infection (if in fact I still had an infection no actual test was done), a nurse burst into the room; a loud pounding on the walls behind her shocked all of us in the room.

The nurse yelled – straight up yelled… “We have to get out of here; a guy is trying to break down the back door because it took too long for a doctor to see him!”

And all I could think about was getting shot.  The doctor looked at me terrified and said “GO, GO!”

 

Now that I write this, maybe they realized some crazy bitch was dressing up like a doctor and in order for them not to get sued, they just scared the crap out of us a little.  Well it was strange that some “doctor” came in and took photos of me naked as the real doctor was so kind to continuously point out, but at least I didn’t get shot.  Clever Urgent Care.

I should have just gone to my boyfriend Mike, dressed up as Doctor No Good.  Would have saved money, time, and the “naked” aspect.