While Eavesdropping the Other Day…

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coworkers, diary, funny, humor, life, people

I overheard the girl next to me tell her friend, “My Aunt is really harsh… but I mean in a bad way.”

“Oh do you have any examples.”

“You know harsh like, cruel, unkind, insensitive.” I think she meant an example of how your Aunt was harsh, not synonyms.

Later “I really need to get my GPA up for Grad School.”

“Oh where are you going to go to Grad School?”

“I don’t know.”  How bad does one’s GPA have to be that a mystery school won’t admit them?!

 

A guy sitting behind me in math “Dude, my friend is so old!”

“How old is he?” His skateboarder friend sitting next to me asked.

“20.”   20? What, when I was 18 I was jealous of 20 year olds, they were that much closer to being 21. I thought five year olds were the only ones that thought 20 was old.

 

Coworker of my microwave lunch “I thought you were eating babies.”  What?

 

To their credit I have said some dumb stuff too… like this morning when I walked into work.

“Look they bought us cookies and doughnuts.”  Yeah those doughnuts are called bagels.

Random Act of Kindness (gone horribly awry)

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cell phone, crazy, diary, fear, funny, kind, life, people, school, sort of, stalker, tracking

Last night while seething over the fact that it took twenty minutes to find a parking spot for my six o’clock class, a guy down the path from me walked up saying “This is strange, but I left my phone in my classroom, could I possibly borrow your phone… ARE YOU A TEACHER HERE?” His brown eyes pleading for help.

I informed him I was not a teacher and we stood in silence for a little while.  I figured he was going to use my phone to call a friend to come get him, or cancel a date.  I handed it to him not really thinking twice about it; though I hoped he would hurry so I wouldn’t be late to class.

“I am going to text my phone if that is ok?”  He said shuffling his black backpack back and forth.

“That’s fine.”  I said, wondering what that had to do with tracking his phone at all.

He text his phone, gave me a really half-assed thank you and then went on his merry way; I ran to class.

When I got to the classroom door I took out my phone to look at the time, with five minutes to spare I decided to see what he text himself.

 

Not Pray like Pray to God for this day which honestly would have been creepy enough.

Prey like he is the Predator and I am the Prey.

Be careful who you lend your phone to, people are CRAZY!

 

 

 

Holy Christmas Balls Batman…

Tags

blog, diary, funny, humor, life, me, memories, people, writiing, writing

I ran into a guy from high school at Fry’s the other day.

He looked the same –exactly the same.

Neither one of us could remember the other’s name, while my boyfriend Mike stood awkwardly half inside the next aisle waiting for me to introduce him to the guy who’s name literally evaded me until almost three days later.   

“I haven’t seen you since Tucson!” He exclaimed.  The memories came flooding back; his long greasy hair, his tan skin, his odd smile and his best friend that was madly in love with me (who I coldly turned down in high school because I thought he was coo–coo bananas, and who’s heart I once again crushed when I moved back home from Tucson because I confirmed that he was in fact coo–coo bananas).

“Tucson, yeah that’s right.”  We stood in silence for a bit and then I asked “What have you been up to lately?”

He didn’t hesitate, which made me think he had a great life story “Well we are in a recession, the economy you know?”

Holy Christmas balls batman, does he think I have been living under a rock…. should I have said “WE ARE?!”  How sad is your life now that you have to tell people you have not seen in ten years that your life is made up of a recession.  Maybe his car just got repoed or something because it is balls out crazy he said that and nothing more.  He just walked away. 

 

Is that why I have no money in my pockets… I thought I was just unlucky these past few years.