06 Wednesday Mar 2013
Posted in Dating
Tags
analogy, blog, blogging, cheating, dating, diary, ex, heartbreak, journal, lies, life, love, relationships, swimming pool, the other woman, truth
The person I love who is supposed to love me,
wants me to stay on the shelf and just look at people
while he goes swimming in a pool of women…
its not their fault they are already in the swimming pool…
its his for jumping in
02 Wednesday Jan 2013
Posted in Memories
Tags
bad movies, Breakup, diary, ex, holidays, humor, life, memories, movies, walking out of movies
Winter 2006, newly single and very childish; my friend and I went to a movie called Unaccompanied Minors which was hands down the worst piece of shit movie I had seen in a long time; one must take into account that it was aimed at 7 year olds and I was about 22. However, I can watch about 800 kid’s movies with the biggest smile on my face. Must pretend not to like Hannah Montana, boyfriend’s daughter asks if I will watch it for her and I “reluctantly” agree. Cut to twenty minutes later when we jam out to the horrible sound of Miley Cyrus who doesn’t sing as well as her father but has more fame than he ever has or will. If I wasn’t such a shitty babysitter, I would probably be a great babysitter.
I have walked out of three movies in my lifetime, Ocean’s Twelve…. That movie was a social experiment to see how long we would put up with shitty acting from over-actors that play basically themselves but badly, right?
Tim Burton’s train wreck of a movie Corpse Bride… Technically I did not walk out of this movie, I was stuck in my seat as the University had allowed us hard working students to watch it for free, but when it was over, I so desperately wanted my time back. T.A.N.S.T.A.A.F.L. to all you economists out there.
Finally, Unaccompanied Minors… I can’t even remember it. I wanted so very much for it to be Home Alone, if not that, at least Home Alone 3; which wasn’t great, but it starred a kid who would later play Max Keeble (if you have kids I highly recommend this movie it’s awesome), so I probably liked it more than most would warrant.
Do you ever sit down to watch a movie in the theater and think, this is a bad idea. Like any time I go to a scary movie with Mike… he sleeps through them. I honestly think it’s because he dislikes being freaked out, he talks to the TV when we are at home. “DON’T DO THAT. WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? YOU HAVE A CRAZY STALKER COMING AFTER YOU AND YOU GIVE YOUR DOG TO YOUR MOM TO MAKE SURE IT’S PROTECTED, WHAT ABOUT YOU?! WHAT ABOUT YOU?!” However with a lot more cussing. When he can’t do that he sleeps, I turn over to look at him during horrifying scenes when your love, or date, whoever they are to you when you watch this garbage, should hold you tight, let you know you are not alone and that the boogie man on the screen is really scary, but you are safe because you have each other. I turn to discover I am all alone.
So we sit down in the theater for U.M. and I am overtaken by the notion that this movie is going to suck. It might be that the theater is empty, it might be that this was the only showing, it might be that they put it in the smallest theater they had, or the fact that not only was I about 22, the girl I was with was nearly 30. Wild ride, after twenty minutes of agony we left and snuck into Blood Diamond. Night and Day those movies are. Blood Diamond was great, I would suggest if you haven’t seen it to skip the first thirty minutes and come in to the story line completely blind, as we did. Seriously I don’t think I would watch that movie any other way.
A little while into the movie I began crying because Leonardo DiCaprio for no reason at all looked like my ex for a glimmer of a second and I couldn’t handle it, but after that nonsensical episode our epic fail of a movie turned out pretty awesome.
I should say with Ocean’s Twelve we snuck into Spanglish which I loved. I have no idea if either of these movies are actually good, but when you have been served dog shit and told to eat it… table scraps don’t seem so bad. “Con Hambre No Hay Mal Pan, (when you are hungry there is no bad bread).” My Mom’s favorite saying next to “Go outside and eat worms.” One of them was to get me to stop acting like a shit about eating food I didn’t like; the other was to get me to stop being a little shit. When I am hungry apparently I rather just walk away and steal some half used bread, and I am totally ok with that.
15 Saturday Dec 2012
Posted in Family
Tags
cheating, ex, humor, life, mental-health, procrastination, school, sex, studies
Most annoying quote I have ever read on facebook was written by the girl my ex cheated on me with…..
“Procrastination is like masturbation, in the end you are just fu**ing yourself.”
I am sure it rubbed me the wrong way for countless reasons, but besides the fact that she clearly didn’t know how to satisfy her own self therefore had to jump on other girls men, I am a horrible procrastinator. I am pretty sure I learned this in grade school, when the material wasn’t challenging enough for me, so I had to make it interesting.
In high school that burned me multiple times, because the material was not too easy, I was in honors and AP classes, but I still operated like I could get everything done at the last minute and get good grades. Unfortunately for my college self for the most part I did.
So college the second time around I have been really good about staying on top of things, then I get a class that is so lax we were able to do 13 tests WHENEVER WE WANTED! If we did them in the time frame she mapped out, then one was able to get 2 extra questions worth extra points.
The left side is when it should have been done, the right side is when I did it.
This was the end result. There were 36 extra credit points possible and if I would have just done three of those I would have gotten a B in the class. So I guess I really did fu** myself.
30 Friday Nov 2012
Tags
21st birthday, birthday, blog, cheating, dating, ex, friends, humor, life, love, memories, stories
At the age of eighteen I fell in love with a man twelve years my senior, no he wasn’t my teacher that would actually make sense; he was a fraternity boy with an age complex. We were great when we weren’t exclusive, when he could do who he wanted and I could flirt with whomever I wanted, but then one day he realized that he loved me too much to share me, so he took me off the market with every intention of leaving himself still on. I knew it, I wasn’t stupid… just a little foolish-childish-and in the pits of hell first love.
I moved to Colorado for the summer with my family, leaving my brand new boyfriend with a sea of woman expecting him to tell me if he touched another. Respect or something I guess. Parts of me wanted to get the first ever boyfriend situation out of the way, and parts of me really cared about him, I just didn’t want to admit it.
Nearly a month went by when I moved back home before I found out about his indiscretions. I was playing pool with Niccole when Nick Ludovico walked up and said “I am not an idiot.”
My attention is yours, I tried to pull myself back to a memory of a time when I had insinuated or flat out called him an idiot. I could find none. “I know you aren’t an idiot.”
“Well some people think I am. Some people don’t think I see, but I see everything Sonya. I see everything.”
“That is really creepy Ludovico.”
“I am not an idiot!” He screamed at me and stormed away.
Naturally I followed him. I honestly think I was the Mom of the frat house… you’re in pain, you’re flying off the handle, you’re causing a scene let me help. Maybe that is why I study psychology now (probably not).
Ludovico ushered for me to come in. He had clearly been sitting on the information for a while, it actually seemed to be tearing him apart, tell the girl I kind of love (yeah pretty sure that kid loved me and apparently (pre girlfriend status) we kissed multiple times my journal tells me so but I do not remember it at all), or stay true to the “brother” code. “Wolf had sex with Amanda!”
Shocking! I remember laughing and joking with him after that, about what I am unsure. I wanted to stay in that room forever, never confront Wolf, and never face what he had allegedly done. After an hour or so Wolf popped his head in the room, we fell silent and looked at him like he was extremely unwelcome. He stood in the doorway waiting for me to follow him up to our room.
We laid down in bed together and I started crying, I felt so guilty for wanting and needing to ask the question. I honestly believed he would have told me had he been unfaithful but I needed to know for peace of mind. “Did you cheat on me?” I whispered.
“Yes, it only happened one time and I…” He spoke quickly as if throwing words at it would fix what he had done.
I jumped out of bed and walked out. I didn’t say a word. I had stopped crying almost immediately. Wolf tried to stop me, “Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked him angrily, not believing that we had this type of relationship.
“Because you didn’t ask.”
You must be joking; you really want me to be that type of girlfriend, the kind that asks you all the time if you are cheating on me. Grow up. I thought to myself as I walked out of his life for what I believed would be forever.
I believed wholeheartedly I had set us up for failure, accepting his offer to be my boyfriend when I knew I would be leaving for two months and he hadn’t been in a relationship/relationship in years. After a long time and a lot of talking – a stint in therapy (for him not me), I finally decided to take him back. My first mistake. I told him I would forgive him. My second mistake.
My 21st birthday was AWESOME! I would do it all over again, exactly the same way… but it wasn’t without its drama.
A bunch of our friends came out to celebrate my big day and as the bars began to close we all decided the party needed to keep going. Three people offered to drive me home, but I decided to go home with Wolf. Wolf who had been drinking, Wolf who owned a motorcycle, Wolf who cheated. Everyone dispersed, Wolf and I walked back toward his bike; he was angry with me for flirting with a guy the night before and I countered with “Do you not remember cheating on me?” I couldn’t let it go, I wanted him to know that he was dog crap on my shoe and he didn’t deserve me. I had no reason to be faithful, and he needed to know it.
“Good God Sonya, I don’t want to talk about this here. We will talk about it at home.” He spat as he took my purse from me, I am still not sure why.
That was one of life’s defining moments for me… I watched him cross the street with every belonging I had clutched in his hand and I took it as you can either follow me like a little bitch, or you can find your own way home.
I knew what I had to do. Me and my stiletto heels marched off in a different direction than Wolf, if he was going North, I headed West. I heard his bike start, then immediately stop. I ducked between two buildings and waited there for quite a while. Finally I peered out onto the desolate street, not a car or a person in sight. 4th Ave, a really cool college street in the day time, but at night it’s an entirely different monster. I had been going to Tucson all my life, and 4th Ave at night was a scary place for me even with my parents around. I decided that should anyone even speak to me I would beat them with my stiletto.
At the very least no one would be able to steal my purse, unless Wolf had thrown it on the ground in a fit.
Slowly I became saddened by the thought that I might get charged with being drunk in public. Then I realized that I might be charged with drinking under age. I have always been told I look young for my age. I kept running the scenario in my head; cop pulls me over and accuses me of stealing my parents’ liquor and running away from home.
I made it back to the frat (safely), and then I had to break in. The entire house was dark. I have no idea how long I was walking, I expected Wolf to be home in bed but he wasn’t. His bike wasn’t there, I felt nauseated when realized I had to ask someone for their phone, but no one was awake. I still feel guilty to this day about waking up my friends but I needed to let Wolf know I was ok.
He was furious with me. Everyone was furious with me, but like I said I would do it all over again exactly the same way because basically I am no one’s bitch.
Cheers
19 Monday Nov 2012
Posted in Love
Tags
blog, blogging, Breakup, dry dirt, ex, journal, life, lonely stretch, love, mountains, mt lemmon, photos, poem, ugly people, university, zombies
Mt. Lemmon, where I always went to get away.
18 Tuesday Sep 2012
Posted in Family
Today for no reason at all I thought about my Grandfather and being the Granddaughter I am I once again entered his name into google’s data base system in the hopes that someone finally posted something about his houses (as he was a builder for years). The funny thing is it runs in the family, before my Grandfather my Great Grandfather was building houses. My Dad and his brothers dabbled in it too. Now every one of them does something with building be it guitars or cabinets, fixing houses so on and so forth.
One of my Uncle’s actual guitars.
Somehow this entire endeavor turns into me looking for information of any kind about my Grandfather and since he, his Dad and my Dad all share the same name all the information that comes up is about my Dad then my Mom, then my Uncle, then me. I had no idea there was a site that not only basically listed my families exact whereabouts, phone number, and net worth, but anyone that has lived in his household and is a registered voter. That is disturbing enough, but as some of you might know I have been getting baby magazines sent to the house for some time now. Since I am neither pregnant nor in the market to get pregnant the entire family has thought of this as a fluke deal. The magazines have started to multiply and solicitors are now calling me at my parents’ house to ask if I would like to donate this imaginary baby’s umbilical cord to science. Yes, yes I would… only not yet, wait a few years.
All of this leads me to believe that this site has sold me out, it lists my age, my parents full names and for the small price of $15 anyone can know the exact address, exact phone number, look at my birth certificate, marriage certificate (don’t have one but if I did they could look at it), and I am left to wonder who is this mystery person? My stalker maybe or my ex? I have pissed people off in this lifetime but those tiny pointless jabs seem to be headed straight for my parents. Hey just in case you are wondering Sonya is probably pregnant, or maybe not, just make you think she is. Maybe they are aimed at me, I lost a kid once with my ex and he always blamed me for it. Seems petty to bring it up now, seems pointless since he is married, and maybe it isn’t him, but I just can’t shake the feeling that it is.
-ducksoup- 