Tags
bad movies, Breakup, diary, ex, holidays, humor, life, memories, movies, walking out of movies
Winter 2006, newly single and very childish; my friend and I went to a movie called Unaccompanied Minors which was hands down the worst piece of shit movie I had seen in a long time; one must take into account that it was aimed at 7 year olds and I was about 22. However, I can watch about 800 kid’s movies with the biggest smile on my face. Must pretend not to like Hannah Montana, boyfriend’s daughter asks if I will watch it for her and I “reluctantly” agree. Cut to twenty minutes later when we jam out to the horrible sound of Miley Cyrus who doesn’t sing as well as her father but has more fame than he ever has or will. If I wasn’t such a shitty babysitter, I would probably be a great babysitter.
I have walked out of three movies in my lifetime, Ocean’s Twelve…. That movie was a social experiment to see how long we would put up with shitty acting from over-actors that play basically themselves but badly, right?
Tim Burton’s train wreck of a movie Corpse Bride… Technically I did not walk out of this movie, I was stuck in my seat as the University had allowed us hard working students to watch it for free, but when it was over, I so desperately wanted my time back. T.A.N.S.T.A.A.F.L. to all you economists out there.
Finally, Unaccompanied Minors… I can’t even remember it. I wanted so very much for it to be Home Alone, if not that, at least Home Alone 3; which wasn’t great, but it starred a kid who would later play Max Keeble (if you have kids I highly recommend this movie it’s awesome), so I probably liked it more than most would warrant.
Do you ever sit down to watch a movie in the theater and think, this is a bad idea. Like any time I go to a scary movie with Mike… he sleeps through them. I honestly think it’s because he dislikes being freaked out, he talks to the TV when we are at home. “DON’T DO THAT. WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? YOU HAVE A CRAZY STALKER COMING AFTER YOU AND YOU GIVE YOUR DOG TO YOUR MOM TO MAKE SURE IT’S PROTECTED, WHAT ABOUT YOU?! WHAT ABOUT YOU?!” However with a lot more cussing. When he can’t do that he sleeps, I turn over to look at him during horrifying scenes when your love, or date, whoever they are to you when you watch this garbage, should hold you tight, let you know you are not alone and that the boogie man on the screen is really scary, but you are safe because you have each other. I turn to discover I am all alone.
So we sit down in the theater for U.M. and I am overtaken by the notion that this movie is going to suck. It might be that the theater is empty, it might be that this was the only showing, it might be that they put it in the smallest theater they had, or the fact that not only was I about 22, the girl I was with was nearly 30. Wild ride, after twenty minutes of agony we left and snuck into Blood Diamond. Night and Day those movies are. Blood Diamond was great, I would suggest if you haven’t seen it to skip the first thirty minutes and come in to the story line completely blind, as we did. Seriously I don’t think I would watch that movie any other way.
A little while into the movie I began crying because Leonardo DiCaprio for no reason at all looked like my ex for a glimmer of a second and I couldn’t handle it, but after that nonsensical episode our epic fail of a movie turned out pretty awesome.
I should say with Ocean’s Twelve we snuck into Spanglish which I loved. I have no idea if either of these movies are actually good, but when you have been served dog shit and told to eat it… table scraps don’t seem so bad. “Con Hambre No Hay Mal Pan, (when you are hungry there is no bad bread).” My Mom’s favorite saying next to “Go outside and eat worms.” One of them was to get me to stop acting like a shit about eating food I didn’t like; the other was to get me to stop being a little shit. When I am hungry apparently I rather just walk away and steal some half used bread, and I am totally ok with that.
-ducksoup- 