It must be nice up there… in crazy town

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A guy I work with, not so much a peer, definitely not a friend has been talking mad shit about me and a friend.  That’s fine we talk mad shit about him too… it actually seems to keep the world in balance, but since I cannot update anyone on facebook because we are unfortunately “friends” on there I am going to rat him out here.

He had a crush on me when I first started working here.  Flattering?  No, he likes pretty much anyone and that is becoming more and more evident weekly. 

Anywho a few months ago we all created a volleyball team, to go against other companies.  I am not going to lie this has been my dream for a very long time.  I am not great at sports but I understand the concept behind all sports.  I try; I got every P.E. award there was in school.  I actually told my Mom I wanted to quit P.E. in high school because I was offended that our teacher was treating the girls like … God forbid, girls.  When he told me about the team I was 100% in.

Fuck me.

So I go, with high high hopes. I was told from the get go that we were going to suck he said it would be fun though!  Ok cool, he lied.

First his sister fucking hates me, for no real reason, which means she is jealous and that is totally fine.  I could give two shits about her.  Someone mentioned three practices, which made me perk up, I had known about two and went to one, but I said something to the effect of “Really where was I?”

She looked down her nose at me and replied in the bitchiest tone “Exactly, where were you?”

I replied in exactly the same tone “Probably writing my ridiculously difficult paper, since I am in school, working full time and all.”  Burn.

 

So the game goes on, we do horribly.  The night before I played so hard I jacked up my wrist so I babied the crap out of it.  I didn’t want to but I had to.  After I played one game and my friend played a game, the team walked away from us to go practice in the corner without us.  We took their cue and pretended that we weren’t even there with them.  It was bad enough that they didn’t want us to play anymore but I came back to work to hear just how “shitty” we had done.  The guy I am having problems with informed others that he wished we hadn’t even shown up. 

If you are wondering why no one wants to join your team you are probably an ass I’m just saying.

 

Today we were talking about student loans (my loans will more than likely have to be paid off by my nonexistent children after I die and I have a pretty high GPA).  Anyway he looked at us and beamed from ear to ear “You know how much I owe on student loans?”

I do know, he is 27 and still lives at home; he has this job and nothing else.  He literally stays after work, bitching about how much he has to work… but I know he does it so he doesn’t have to go home.  Oh no Mom wants you to help fold your own laundry, life is hard. L

“Zero.  I don’t owe a dime.”  He said moving his head around like, hey yeah I am a badass.

I had to literally talk myself out of saying what I should have said… but it was there lingering in the silence “If I lived at home with Mom and Dad I wouldn’t have a single bill either, that doesn’t make you special.”

Broken Occurances.

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Remember me?

I was the girl that caught your eye,

the one that jolted your heart as it lay dormant.

Swimming like a fish on land

Glistening in the rays of the sun.

 

Now, I am shinning alone for no one.

It’s blinding and exhausting,

pointless and painful. 

So I’m dimming the lights.

I feel faded and worn

my sparkle is dull, but others can see it.

It’s just the one that matters can’t or won’t.

 

Your skin drives me crazy

your hands and muscles do too.

I would give anything to wrap myself into the you I knew, before I knew you.

Your shell has me bound to us.

 

I understand it is difficult with the hands you’ve been delt.

But you can’t blame the hand when you are the house.

Strength reads like ignorance, and sheer pigheadedness,

when you pretend to fix broken occurrences.

 

Years of this;

of dimming my lights

and shining less bright.

Blaming nothing,

but recognizing…

I have been here before

I thought I was a diamond in the rough,

only to find 

 I was mere sand.

 

Maybe I shine better alone.

I remember me,

the me before you,

Maybe she’s better.

Maybe she’s better.

The pimple that ended it all!!!

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Zits, pimples, bumps filled with pus… whatever you call them, they are annoying and gross!

My first boyfriend (we will call him Fox cause that is basically his name, it’s just about that stupid), anyway we were close, as close as a 19 year old could be to a 31 year old, but mind you he was seriously immature and I took that as us connecting, if I would have been just a bit older I would have taken it as a sign and left him.

He rode a motorcycle year round, which made his face look warn and tired, his thinning hair sun bleached and his back full of zits.  The first time I woke up to see a major pimple on his back I asked him if I could pop it, mainly because I couldn’t look at the thing throbbing trying to explode all over the bed on its own.  He was much obliged and somehow we fell into this comfortable area with no holds barred… I will pop yours if you pop mine kind of nonsense.  LOVE if you will… Love to get rid of shit that makes your body unappealing.

After about two rocky rocky years together a girl moved in town; Alice was engaged to Fox’s and my mutual “friend”, and soon Fox began hanging out with her, sharing our life with her and I didn’t know how much so until one night after a car got broken into at UofA (where we all lived).  The car was demolished, the roof had been bashed in, the inside gutted and BITCH spray painted on the side.  While Fox called the nonemergency police to report the crime a zit glistened in the setting sunlight, I didn’t even think about it I just went for it like a monkey mother trying to get all the bugs on her young.

Fox whipped around still on the phone and yelled something to the effect of “Back the fuck off!”

So I did.

He glared at me, like I had shit in his bed or something.  He finished the phone call, then he told me never to do that again.

To which I shrugged, fine.  I probably won’t touch your back much more but that’s freaking fine.

Two days later I went to a club with Alice, just the two of us… getting away from it all, things were majorly falling apart with her and her fiancé and I couldn’t have been happier cause he was a dick.  He cheated on her every day she didn’t live in Tucson and I knew it, I just didn’t know how to tell her.  I also didn’t feel like it was my place to say so.  I sat in silence listening to her every tiny fight about plates, allergies, cost of living; you name it they fought about it.

As the night began to wind down, and Alice was driving me back to the apartment my boyfriend and I shared, she began to tell me things about my own relationship… as I had not actually opened up to her about any of it.  I am not even really sure how the subject came up but she mentioned the engagement ring that Fox had been sitting on for something crazy like eight months (but showing absolutely everyone myself included the baby rock suspended in a moon shaped golden clasp, I hated it).  She mentioned that he felt like it wasn’t enough for me that I deserved more, and I listened silently thinking something to the effect of yeah I probably do, but I knew that he was the man I loved so I could deal with a ring I didn’t LOVE (he may have broken that little understanding – loving bit of me, but maybe it is for the best).

Then the conversation took a dark turn, which I wasn’t expecting because I didn’t even know it was dark until it escaped her lips. I won’t even be able to capture the terminology nor her disgust as she allowed the words to trickle off her tongue but it was something to the effect of “Fox told me that you attacked him!!!!!!!!!!!” then quietly she said “and popped a zit on his back out of nowhere?”  Which is so utterly stupid, and not really out of nowhere I had been doing it for years, just not in a majorly public setting.  I couldn’t help it if the zit was taunting me.

I sat there dumbfounded; I think I didn’t think it was as big a deal as it was until she told me what I had done.  I was trying to come up with a million ways to defend myself and then I recognized that I shouldn’t have to (it’s just pus after all), but I was embarrassed beyond belief and she sat in the driver’s seat judging me.  I thought to myself You told my secret, and I didn’t even know it was a secret.

For whatever reason, her knowing this information made something click in my mind… maybe because it was such a small insignificant thing that she was reacting to on such a large scale that I realized he and I were falling apart.  I tried to hold the relationship together but it was sand slipping through my fingers and it was just as worthless.  We broke up within a month and haven’t spoken in over six years, so pimples are good for something!

Holy Christmas Balls Batman…

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I ran into a guy from high school at Fry’s the other day.

He looked the same –exactly the same.

Neither one of us could remember the other’s name, while my boyfriend Mike stood awkwardly half inside the next aisle waiting for me to introduce him to the guy who’s name literally evaded me until almost three days later.   

“I haven’t seen you since Tucson!” He exclaimed.  The memories came flooding back; his long greasy hair, his tan skin, his odd smile and his best friend that was madly in love with me (who I coldly turned down in high school because I thought he was coo–coo bananas, and who’s heart I once again crushed when I moved back home from Tucson because I confirmed that he was in fact coo–coo bananas).

“Tucson, yeah that’s right.”  We stood in silence for a bit and then I asked “What have you been up to lately?”

He didn’t hesitate, which made me think he had a great life story “Well we are in a recession, the economy you know?”

Holy Christmas balls batman, does he think I have been living under a rock…. should I have said “WE ARE?!”  How sad is your life now that you have to tell people you have not seen in ten years that your life is made up of a recession.  Maybe his car just got repoed or something because it is balls out crazy he said that and nothing more.  He just walked away. 

 

Is that why I have no money in my pockets… I thought I was just unlucky these past few years.

Baby Talk

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I am in my late twenties, and I have no intention of having a child at this point in my life or anytime soon…

Four weeks ago I went to my parents’ house just to hang out have some food and talk about old times when my Mom walked up to me with a magazine called BABY TALK.

The subscription at the bottom of the mag listed my full name and parents address.  “Is there something you need to tell us?”  My Mom asked jokingly.

“Not unless the mailman knows something I don’t!”

Yesterday I went back to my parents’ house, as I am watching the cat while they are away.  I checked the mail to find yet another BABY TALK magazine and a RAISING BABY magazine plus an informational packet on what to expect when you are expecting.  WTF is going on?

This is either the best April fools joke (done to me) a little bit late or something seriously strange is going on.  Every part of me is trying to shake the feeling that my ex did this; I mean he is bat shit crazy but we haven’t spoken in over six years…  Good one dude, good one.