Tags
dogs, front door, humor, life, strangers
Tuesday night I came home to two rowdy dogs, as is my typical work week. Dax (the well behaved one) went out and sniffed his favorite bush just as two people I had never seen before turned to walk down our cul-de-sac . I called Dax back into the house because while he is the well behaved one he isn’t an angel.
After I got settled into the house and began preparing dinner I saw the two people again, on the other side of the street going door to door talking to people. I hoped beyond hope that I would not be summoned and of course that was too much to ask.
Over an hour had passed since I saw the people and I really thought they had gone home, alas they were burning the midnight oil. When my doorbell rang the dogs began barking like two tiny Cujo’s, so scary. I went to a block party meeting a few months ago and this cop told us the importance of answering our door so robbers don’t think no one is home… it just escalates the situation. So against my better judgment I answered the door.
The dogs continued barking over the girl’s speech about kids, and helping kids, and trying to win a prize to go to Alaska (or something), the guy she was with didn’t say a word. He was tall with a tummy like Santa Claus, but he couldn’t have been more than 17 years old. “If you want to help out today we would really appreciate it.” She said cheerily.
“Fine, what do I have to do?” I said without emotion.
“Well you sign up for a magazine you might want and then we get points from that.”
For some unknown reason I thought they could get points just for talking to me. I was wrong. So they convince me to come outside to get away from the Cujo’s and talk about nonsense while I pretended to look at magazines, all the while trying to outsmart them and get away without paying a cent.
“You can also sponsor kids; we will send magazines to them instead.” She said excitedly.
That made much more sense to me “How much will that cost?”
“Well, it depends on the magazines you get so just pick four and you can pick how many, if any, you want to do.”
So I pick four, she writes down the price after informing me that I would be sponsoring over thirty kids. $62, $65, $70, and $66 for a grand total of $263 … I … don’t …. think… so!!!!!!!!
“I cannot afford this.”
Then the guy started talking nonsense about words I said. He would just latch onto words and tell me stories pertaining to those words. Oh are we bonding or are you crazy?
“You can give us cash.” She suggested as she pulled out her wallet over flowing with money. “Any amount you want… $20, $25, $30… whatever you want to give us AND if you pay us we will give you a bug off sticker to tell all the other kids that are in this contest to leave you alone.”
“I will give you $20.” I turned to walk away when my nostrils inundated with the smell of weed. I rushed upstairs, dogs still barking, grabbed a twenty then back outside.
“Make her the bug off sticker!” The girl said stuffing my $20 into her wallet.
He wrote on the sticker and began to pull it off, but it wouldn’t come off.
“What are you doing?” She asked, then looked down at his work “Dude, you wrote that on the wrong side!”
“NO WAY… I DID NOT!”
A horrible thought rushed over me: my God I have funded two children’s drug habit, and so have all the people that gave them money before me.
She rewrote it and I put the sticker up on my door, not to tell the other people that clearly don’t exist in this “competition” to go away, but to remind myself of what happens when I answer the door for strangers. I really hope I am wrong about them; hope it was just the smell that comes from my neighbors house every once in a while, but I really don’t think it was.
The Butcher said:
Great name for a blog 🙂 Happy V-day
Sonya said:
Like Chicken Soup for the Soul… only nothing like that at all.
Thank you, you too!
deanjbaker said:
well you started off with some quacks, so good to see 😉
Sonya said:
:p
BrantleyNewton said:
Where are these kids’ parents?! I’ve had the exact same thing happen to me before, and I sat there and listened to them until I could butt in and then politely declined. They always have some script that they robotically repeat while not making eye contact.
I feel like these encounters account for the beginning of at least 30% of all horror movies.
Sonya said:
OH MY GOD RIGHT?! That’s what I was thinking. Even more so when I heard her telling the guy I was really nice, and my dogs wouldn’t shut up. Well, we are all dead thanks guys. Yeah, I was very happy I ended up with a sticker and not a blood bath. I am so glad I am not the only person that thought that.
I have never experienced that before, probably because I don’t answer my door… next time I am gonna pretend to be deaf and when they call me out on having answered my door I am gonna point to the dogs who jump around like crazy whenever a guest is there.
BrantleyNewton said:
It just reminds me of that movie, “The Strangers.” The young couple ask they group of psychopaths why they were chosen to be terrorized. They killers’ response: “because you were home.”
I apologize in advance if you have nightmares tonight!
Sonya said:
Oh no, I had those nightmares the night of. Yeah that is half the reason I was like… maybe the cop doesn’t know what he is talking about! There are some real crazies out there. 😦
Love Coffee Tea said:
This is hilarious! I love your writing. I had kids come to my house one time asking me to buy magazines, too. I fell for it as well. I should have noticed something was off when the “organization” they belonged to, had the abbreviation “USA”.
rascals!
Sonya said:
Thank you! I haven’t written in some time.
At least your kids had an “organization” I am pretty sure if my dogs wouldn’t have made so much noise I could have sifted through the b.s. better, but then again I probably wouldn’t have thought twice about an “organization” with the abbreviation “USA.”