Tags
blog, humor, life, opposite sex, stalker
In real life, not hidden behind the glowing computer screen as I am when I blog… I am pretty much the same person. Maybe a bit more outgoing, okay definitely more outgoing, because hello this is a one sided conversation until you reply back… but that is much more time consuming. Anyway I am friendly and outgoing to a fault.
Two years ago I started working with a guy named Jim, he was built like a tank and his face was chiseled, unfriendly, but intriguing. When he came to eat lunch with me so I wouldn’t be alone, we talked the entire time about nonsense. At some point he informed that he was a personal trainer on the side, which is something Mike might one day want to do before his career really takes off, so I told him that we should all go out sometime… he could share his insights with Mike and I could meet Jim’s fiancé. We exchanged numbers and that night I told Mike all about it, and he was game for whatever whenever we decided to hangout.
One night really late I got a text from Jim asking me if I wanted to grab a drink somewhere. I turned it down saying that Mike wasn’t home and Jim informed me that that was better. Naturally I went into hyper shutdown mode. Anytime Jim would talk to me at work I would be short with him, I didn’t respond to any more of his texts, including one that talked about us going out on a boat together just the two of us that weekend, (that night I had a nightmare that Jim drown Mike and I was powerless to stop him). Jim was fired from our establishment not too soon after and I figured that was all behind me.
For six months straight Jim would randomly text me, ask me how I was, tell me I was pretty, or complain about his “fiancé.” Then one day the texts stopped, like he finally got the point since I never once responded.
Two or three days ago I got a message from him saying “hey sonya. Just wondered how things are going with you, got way hard for me right after we talked last. My brother killed himself and shortly after my Mom passed. I was pretty messed up for a while. I’m ok now. how have you been? been thinking about you. my phone is ……………………, my email is ……………….”
I have no idea why I am on his radar or even on his mind, what a guilt trip though. Since we last spoke my life went to shit so you wanna talk to me now?! OH and he added me on Linkedin the same day. You sir are crazypants.
Another time I met a guy at a bar, Nicc and I were vying for his attention, for no other reason than to prove that one of us was hotter than the other. He got my number and text me every single time he went to the bar that we met at for three years; even after Mike and I started dating and I told the guy (whose name I literally do not know), that I had a boyfriend that didn’t find his constant texts appropriate. Let it go…
I don’t really get it, how can people that don’t know me at all be so hard up on letting me out of their lives? It’s not like a shit rainbow. There should be a patch for that and it should be called “opposite sex repellant.” For those times when someone you hardly know won’t leave you the eff alone.
-ducksoup- 
This isn’t a crazy uncommon occurrence. When I was in college, most girls that I knew had at least one experience like this. I think that some guys go through a second awkward phase in their late teens/early twenties and they just totally can’t figure out how to talk to girls.
Unfortunately I think that being a decent human being just exacerbates scenarios like this. Someone who is already incapable of reading between the lines will always rationalize that basic kindness or manners mean much more than they actually do.
I completely agree with you, it makes sense that people become closed off because in a way it’s nicer to just ignore people than to make an effort and have it be misconstrued.
It is a pretty common occurrence in that age group but both of these men were over 30 and the coworker was 42. I suppose that is why it frustrated me that much more, I didn’t think I was dealing with children that hadn’t learned how to behave in a situation that is completely one-sided.
I’ve had similar experiences, but the worst was with someone I actually dated. The relationship was totally toxic and unhealthy from the beginning but I guess I was in a self-hating phase. Anyway, I realized how horrible the relationship was and broke things off and tried to move on.
Randomly, at first, he would send texts that would just say “whore.” or “slut.” or way worse…at first I would fight back and then eventually just stopped responding and immediately deleting them. then he started sending texts that were supposed to be sweet, trying to get me to talk to him again. He STILL messages me on facebook occasionally with a mix of something either insulting or something trying to be nice.
He’s been doing this for over 3 years.
Holy shit balls that guy has a problem! You should block him from your facebook, you don’t need the reminder that he is out there. 😦 He sounds really unstable. I am so sorry you had to put up with that, if you ever need to talk about it I am here!
Well, he moved out of the state so I don’t feel totally freaked out about it anymore. His messages, because he isn’t my friend, don’t automatically pop up so I don’t see them until months after he’s sent them. I guess I should block him though, I never really thought about that! Also, did you know you can’t block text messages? Fun fact I learned when he was at the height of his harassing a couple years ago.
But yeah, he’s a little off.
I blocked this guy I had been friends with in high school (he was my best friends boyfriend, then another friend’s boyfriend… then another friend’s boyfriend so we ended up staying in contact for years and years after highschool, but then he started telling me who I could and could not date (including my fiancé whom he told me not to date), and he deleted his account, made a new one and asked me to be his friend again. When I didn’t and blocked that one, he made a fake profile with the picture of a horse on it and requested that I be his friend… when I didn’t he erased that one and made another profile using his full name and then he wrote me a long letter requesting that I unblock him from my site and all kinds of nonsense.
If they want to get to you they will, so if you block your ex but he still comes back you know it’s a major problem. I am sure it’s easier said than done with the fact that this guy was your actual boyfriend and the guy I was blocking was little more than an acquaintance.
I thought blocking numbers was supposed to be really easy!! I would raise holy hell if they didn’t let me block numbers; you need to protect your customers!
I am glad this stuff is mostly behind you. Him not living there really helps I am sure.
Geez. Bitches (dudes) be crazy.
😛
I used to think this was a combination of 1) a common phase guys go through generally in their late teens and early 20s, because after my first serious relationship ended I recognised I had been somewhat “clingy” (and vowed to myself to never be that way again) and 2) that girls/women fail to make a point bluntly when they need to, to nip certain behaviour in the bud.
Now though I realise that there are plenty of guys (and there are girls/women too) who don’t ever seem to grow out of this phase, and sometimes even laying an issue on the line with “that’s out of line/inappropriate” doesn’t always work. Some of us try the subtle hints, to avoid the increased awkwardness of phasing an issue head on, like simply not responding to certain comments, but there are people who will fail to recognise the hints, or maybe even think of it as a game.
I think there are just some people that lack the ability to see the world from another person’s perspective, or consider that not everyone sees the world the way they do. Maybe it can be simply defined as empathy, or a lack of, and surely that’s something instilled in us from a very young age.
Scary people!
Lack of empathy, that is a really good way to put it. I suppose I too lack empathy for those that become clingy, but at the same time I think it is one thing to be clingy with a significant other, it’s completely another thing to be clingy with a stranger.
It’s your hair. Its heroin to them. 😛
Damn my hair—- oin :p