What a Horrible Place to Work (Part I)

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In the 11 years that I have been in the working industry, I have held many jobs. Very few of them I loved, in fact most of them I hated, but one of the worst was Chuy’s Mesquite Broiler.

 

Mike and I lost our jobs at the same time when our work burnt down in October of 2010. We were both pretty frantic to find new jobs since our income went from tolerable to nonexistent on both ends. Mike found work at the Yardhouse (which he ended up hating too, but that is a totally different story), I found myself at a divey restaurant/bar called Chuy’s.

Chuy’s was pretty elite, one had to know somebody that was somebody in order to work there. I learned the hard way, just because something is highly sought after, does not make it a great place to be.

Training was ridiculous and far longer than it should have been; those who didn’t take a test covering exactly what were in our dishes (our sloppy, greasy, bean filled dishes) earned half tips. That aspect was pretty fair, if you don’t know the menu you shouldn’t be tipped out completely, but they made me wait and wait to take the test. Finally my boss came to me and yelled “ARE YOU GONNA ASK ME TO TAKE THE TEST OR WHAT?” I didn’t realize it was something I had to ask for, and to make matters worse when all was said and done I was the first person to have taken it that soon. How long are you not tipping people properly? A month? (I think my time frame was something like a week, but I knew the menu after a day and I busted my ass, as I have done every job, ever).

Anyway the test was a joke; my favorite question “Who owns Chuy’s?” Which was never told to me and was also never on the menu, not to mention having nothing to do with the food.
I had to look it up and the answer I provided was wrong. Sarah, a girl whose name you will learn by the time this post, laughed at my answer like I was a half retarded child and she was the school bully. Mike was livid, he had entered the establishment some time before my test was graded (for an end of work cocktail), and I thought he was going to rip her head off… just for making me feel small.

Things were never wonderful at Chuy’s, it was a lot of backbreaking work… cleaning, scrubbing, serving, serving, talking, bitching, serving, cleaning that went above and beyond any job I had ever had before. I was once taken into the walk-in (where drinks are stored) and told to scrub the floors clean. It would have been fine if the floor hadn’t looked like it had never been cleaned before. It was so bad that my pants filled up with a dark brown liquid that to this day I have no idea what it was. We were told to get on ladders and clean the trinket filled trellis, while there were customers in the restaurant, and that we could not go home until it was done. As I perched precariously on the ladder high above people’s heads a man came in and bumped the ladder. It swayed back and forth and a coworker ran over to make sure I didn’t fall. I have never been the suing type, but in that moment I was going to sue everyone. I couldn’t believe they had put my safety at risk to cut corners and save a few bucks on a cleaning crew. The fact that we did it during office hours only exacerbated the situation, as many customers complained about the kitty sized dust balls we kept throwing on the floor. I don’t blame them, I was mortified doing it.

chuy

Being paid peanuts and having to clean restrooms filled with other people’s bodily fluids (and pubes… seriously I have no idea what people are doing in bathrooms but gross) was degrading to say the least. We were given Windex to scrub down the toilets, windows, floors, doors, on and on, I stopped using our restrooms. Windex does not disinfect, especially .99 cent store Windex.

New Crazy Coworker… China

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At work I ordered a card reader, as some of our computers are too old to accept all forms of disked communication. Everyone calls the card reader a different name and it is kept at my desk so that it never goes “missing.”

Coworker nick-named Wolf 2.0, because like his predecessor Wolf 1, he is always on the prowl for information with regards to people that he is not privy too, came over and asked me for the “computer hookupy thing.”
“Ahh the Chinese card reader?”
He looked at me like I had five heads, “Uh just because it says made in China doesn’t mean the language on the box is Chinese.”

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WTF? Is it Japanese? I am not a history major or anything but I am pretty damn sure that no Japanese person is going to buy a Chinese product, in Japan. Nor vise versa.

Had he told me it was Mandarin and not Cantonese I would have been like, wow you are pretty knowledgeable, but to say that a product isn’t written in the language of a country it specifies coming from is pretty stupid.

The Future, after college

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If all goes as planned, i.e. not failing my summer classes, or being unable to sign up for a very necessary class, I will graduate college next semester. 

 

Ten years ago I didn’t think I would drop out, ten years ago I thought I would be working on people’s lost limbs by now.  Ten years ago I thought I would be married, making bank, living in a wonderful home… ten years ago I didn’t know anything.

 

 

I returned to school, not because my life was going nowhere, but to pass the time.  I have grown considerably in that time, gone from a child to a lady; from caring very little about my grades to wishing I had five more points to knock up a B+ to an A-, from staying up way too late to watch television to staying up way too late to study…

 

The end is coming soon, and it scares me a bit.  I have been working since the age of seventeen, but never in a place that was in my desired field. 

 

I fear the interview… because though I am a catch it doesn’t necessarily translate through the filler we spew during the interview process.

 

I fear my lack of experience… schooling and working full time has left no time for internship, volunteer work, nor adventure into my field.

 

I fear hating what I get into.

I also fear loving it. 

 

I hardly dreamed this day would come and as it is only months away, I want to run back to school and hide.  Not that I don’t want that beautiful diploma with my name scrolled across it, but I want something more to show for it than over $30,000 worth of debt and button pushing at McDonalds.  Gradating college used to mean something, now it seems to be a very expensive parchment of paper.

My Twin is a Zit

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I have a zit the size of half a golf ball just below my eye.  It is painful; it is irritating, but more irritating than one might think because this zit is screwing with my field of vision.

On more than one occasion today, coworkers have believed I am looking at them to get their attention.  I am not, I am looking at this (as my fiancé would call it my twin) twin coming out of my face!

Sometimes I think I see people walking by, but it is just my twin popping out to say I’m still here mo-fo.

Earlier it was so bad, it made my eyes water and my nose run.  Who in the world has ever had a zit that makes their nose run?

A coworker came to talk to me this morning when the zit was the size of an egg (that might be an exaggeration), and as he talked to me he repeatedly whipped just below his eye where my twin is resting, as if his subconscious dislikes my new growth too.

Oh my little beanturd, how long will I have to put up with you?  Makeup cakes up and flakes away accentuating the little guys curves.

Zit cream has angered it, made it turn white with fury but did nothing to calm its size… I will wait until you die like others do, but until then I will curse your existence and put stuff over you, just to make you mad.

Getting smaller

Getting smaller

Holy Bipolar Spam Comment

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Today as I read comments of the weekend from friends I often hear from, I found a new one that made me laugh quite a bit… I thought I would share.

 

It began with this statement (and I knew it was spam):

I was very pleased to find this great site. I wanted to thank you for your time due to this wonderful read!! I definitely really liked every little bit of it and i also have you saved to fav to look at new information on your web site.

Which is indescriptive gobbledygook that was clearly never read through by a real person.  I also love the typos, giving it a “personal” touch.  Below are segments of the same post rapid fire…

May I simply just say what a relief to uncover someone who really knows what they are talking about over the internet.

You certainly realize how to bring a problem to light and make it important.

Excellent blog post. I certainly appreciate this site. Keep it up!

An intriguing discussion is worth comment. Cheers!!

Hello! I am returning to your website for more soon.

You’re so interesting! Someone with a little originality!

Then some weird shit I know nothing about or how to fix…

When I originally left a comment I appear to have clicked on the -Notify me when new comments are added- checkbox and now whenever a comment is added I recieve 4 emails with the exact same comment. Is there a means you can remove me from that service? Cheers!

Then the bipolar craziness all in the same post…

The next time I read a blog, Hopefully it won’t fail me just as much as this particular one. I mean, Yes, it was my choice to read, but I actually believed you’d have something interesting to talk about. All I hear is a bunch of moaning about something that you could fix if you weren’t too busy seeking attention.

bipolar-woman-mask-

 

The comment was forever long but that is a highlight of my favorites.  Keep an eye out for this one.

First Kiss: Between the Seasoned Professional and the Super Novice

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My first kiss occurred in the winter of 2003, at the age of eighteen.  Though that might not be entirely true as I was kissed on the playground in preschool, but the kiss was stolen and then the boy lifted up my skirt to flash the entire world my undershorts (because my Mom wasn’t stupid, she knew I was going to be running around all day in a skirt, jumping and climbing, why wouldn’t I have shorts underneath), but that to me seems like the rape of kissing and it is in no way a fond memory.  Therefore my first kiss, reciprocated occurred in my eighteenth year of life.

 

When it came to the opposite sex I was not confident at all.  By the time I was 18, I thought I was going to be a nun… a cussing, cranky, never been loved, never made love, never been kissed nun.  Even God wouldn’t have been happy with that arrangement.

My confidence was boosted the first week of school, when a flock of boys found Niccole and I to be the most interesting people on the planet.  Though it only lasted a short while, Nicc either slept with them or they realized I wasn’t worth their time.  Confidence busted.

 

 

I met Katie and Melissa in a (horrible) class called Mind, Matter and God.  My Catholic self never should have taken that class, but to have met Katie it was worth it.  We all decided to go to the University movie theater on Friday for a showing of a movie called Amelie (a French movie I knew nothing about).

Amelie+Yann+Tiersen

We took our seats amongst a growing sea of people, moments later a guy walked into our isle wearing white from head to toe; his shoes were white, his pants, his jacket, his undershirt, and his helmet.  Holy crap.  He seemed to be out of a movie, and when he took off his helmet I was sure he was.  He sat next to me, his tan skin glistening; I couldn’t even believe my luck to be the one sitting next to him.  He talked to his friends to his left in Russian (?) and I bore a hole with my eyes into the movie screen.  The guy turned and looked at me as the lights went down and asked in a very accented voice “You know French?”

“Not a word.”

He smiled at me brightly “Good, neither of us ‘ill understand what ez going on.”

He rested his arms on the armrests, his right hand dangling over my seat.  For a while I sat pretty rigidly, trying to talk myself out of the challenge I had just put forth for me, but finally I gave in… I was going to make this guy hold my hand, or at the very least I was going to free up that armrest.  I pushed my hand up to the top of my seat and left it there.  It was pretty obvious that it didn’t just “naturally” happen, as it made me posture bent in an unnatural way.  My hand rested just below the tips of his fingers, but he wasn’t touching my skin at all.  I wasn’t that bold.

He shifted his body as if he was trying to get “more comfortable”, but that shifting made his hand drop just enough for the tips of his figures to touch my palm slightly.  I froze.  He froze and neither of us dropped our gaze from the screen.

After a sufficient amount of time, he grabbed my hand and there we sat holding hands for the rest of the movie I didn’t pay attention to.

 

Reality slapped me pretty hard when the lights came on, he let my hand go and said “I have to talk to my friends, I will meet you outside.”

Oh shit, meet me outside?  I just wanted to hold your hand, I just wanted to see if you would, I don’t know what happens past this point… nothing is supposed to happen past this point!  I was frantic, I have no idea to this day why I waited, maybe I felt like I had signed a contract by holding this complete strangers hand, whatever the case was I told my friends that he would be meeting us outside so we had to wait.

 

Katie was elated thinking that this guy and I had been boyfriend and girlfriend… that we ran into one another in the theater on purpose and Melissa didn’t care about anything.  As I explained to the girls that I did not actually know the guy, he walked up behind me and introduced himself to my friends.  “Hello” (his accent made it sound like Hhhhhheeell-o) “My name it’s Sergey.”

Ahh crap.

“Sergey?”  Melissa asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Yes, is Sergey.  You are?”

“Melissa.”

“Katie.”

“My name is Sonya.”

“Sonya… Sonya…”  He smiled at me brightly.

 

Somehow it was decided that Sergey would walk Katie and I back to Katie’s car and then to my dorm.  As we walked and talked he revealed that he was 27 years old, nine years my senior.  I should have known then I would date older men… they are the only ones that seem to sparkle to me.  In that moment however all I could think about was how old he was, and why he would ever be interested in a pipsqueak like me.

 

At some point Katie and I both recognized the danger we might be in and selflessly tried to save the other person.  What would have been logical would have been to have Katie come with me to my dorm as if she lived there and wait for Sergey to go.  Instead what we did was argue in front of him about who was going to get dropped off first.  I couldn’t let my friend risk her life for a poor decision on my part so we stuck with the original plan, took her to her car and he walked me back to my dorm.

Once there I had no idea how to part ways.  We talked a bit, about nothing.  He got my phone number (to my dorm phone which I never used), and then my roommate walked by.  She was in a foul mood and made no effort to say hello to Sergey.

“See you upstairs.” she said in passing.

“Oh man, she is pissed… it must be something I did.”  I told Sergey, acting as if that were true when in reality Sarah and I got along better than any roommate I have ever had.  Any time she or I were mad, we had the ability to change it… or at least make it tolerable, and we were never once mad at one another.

 

Sergey looked at me genuinely concerned.  “You had better get up there.”

“Agreed, I am so sorry to cut this short.”

Then it happened, Sergey leaned in for the kiss and I reciprocated; only he was a seasoned professional and I was a super novice, but one might have thought it the other way around.

 

Sergey had his tongue out before I even touched his lips; like that’s the way we kiss in Russia—ahhh MotherLand.  I immediately pushed back making some weird sort of laugh, sort of sigh sound that was completely involuntary, and then disappeared.

 

Like this mad awkward  kiss in the movie.

Like this mad awkward kiss in the movie.

 

For years I have been embarrassed by that story, kept it close to the vest, very few people know what happened on that day, but I believe my reaction to that kiss would be exactly the same today as it was then, even as a seasoned 28-year-old professional myself.  Don’t make out with someone before you have even had the change to introduce your lips or you will find yourself on the other end of an unanswered phone call.

PotentiallyDisruptive Nominated Me for the Versatile Blogger Award

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I have been nominated for the Versatile Blogger Award by PotentiallyDisruptive (Ken) whom I have been reading for the better half of a year now. My favorite post to date is Ruff (read it I am not going to give anything away). Thank you for the nomination and I truly believe that all nominations you have gotten in the past and the ones you will get in the future are well deserved.

THE RULES:
1-Thank and link back to the person who awarded you.
2-Nominate 15 bloggers for The Versatile Blogger Award and include a link to their site (and tell them that you have nominated them).
3-State 7 things about yourself.

versatile

7 THINGS ABOUT ME:

 

1. I don’t handle death well. It isn’t because I fear death so much, but I get so very attached to people and I hate the thought of them not being there anymore.
2. In my youth I had a crap ton of clubs, clubs that never (really) did anything or went anywhere… the ones I remember are:
-Shooting Star Enterprises, a babysitting club that super sucked and dissolved after the near death of a child (not really but maybe).
-Tree house club, a club that was formed and primary took place in the tree house. Our duties consisted of putting up four walls on my tree house (making it impossibly cramped), and constant discussion about how and when we would have enough money saved up to buy a mini fridge to put in it.
-The Little Angels club, a club where we did good deeds for people without their knowledge. That literally lasted half a day and turned into
-The Little Devils club, a club that disbanded after one night. The LDC was all about airing out the horrible things we had done to people without their knowledge. The group was led by my major crush of about four years, and I felt pretty pathetic that I had nothing to share with the group; I didn’t even make anything up. My crush told us that he had broken into someone’s home just to set off their alarm, and I didn’t love him less but I did start to think we didn’t likely have a future.
3. At 28 I am still afraid of the wrath of my parents.
4. In PreK we were given a project that consisted of frozen peas and toothpicks, I ate all my peas, so my project was just a pile of toothpicks.
5. I have a hard time standing up for myself.
6. I used to be pretty manipulative, after my heart was broken and I realized guys liked me.
7. I forged my Mom’s signature once in high school, because I didn’t want to admit (in a progress report not a report card), that I was failing the class. I was always failing classes (or Ding classes) until grades came out. I felt so bad about it I ripped her “signature” part off and admitted to her my mistake. She was not understanding or forgiving about it at all.

MY NOMINATIONS: (Are in no order)

Ben doesn’t discriminate, he is bitter about just about everything… but in a funny way, in a funny way. Did you know that you could be bitter about the operation of a door? Neither did I, check him out for more Bitter-ful information!

Ned and I have lost and found one another twice now, I think that speaks to the power of our writing (pull). My favorite segment is The Door http://nedhickson.wordpress.com/2013/04/30/the-door-its-a-two-for-tuesday/ which is updated weekly and makes me laugh pretty much every time

Viveka, my friend in Sweden, is always there to brighten the day with her “guilty pleasures.” She recently took on the task of introducing the masses to an alphabetical tour of Sweden, go check it out.

The Query Queen is awesome, she deserves a shout out for bringing information to the masses on getting their work out into the world.

Lily is completely random in her posts (as am I), but everything she shares is insightful and hilarious. One of my favorite posts by her.

Adam is one of the few people that writes poetry that not only I can and do read, but I actually enjoy. While he writes in other forms… I think it speaks volumes that he is able to capture and audience with something as unforgiving as poetry.

Modern Philosopher has some unique ideas and stories, if you are up for a spin on your normal everday life… this is the place to go.

Looking for awesome photos? You’re in luck… Ellen has a TON.

Breakroomstories, I love… they remind me of working in the restaurant industry. Unfortunately he will never know that he’s been nominated because his comments are turned off (which really pisses me off so for that reason he actually is last on my list, but do check it out!)

Thank you again for the nomination Ken.

I was Just Doing Normal Kid Stuff… Like Talking to the Dead.

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Around my twelfth year of life I became obsessed with tarot cards and talking with the dead. There are many reasons that might have happened, but the most profound reasoning was that I was convinced beyond a shadow of a doubt that the man that used to reside in my families new home not only died there, but remained and was super pissed off my family dared move in. To this day I remember sitting in my room with my friend Mary playing cards when I heard a man’s voice behind me say “Get out of my HOUSE!” (Which I am sure was all in my head, but freaky shit was going on all the time at that house for the first few years we lived there). The tarot card reading and card ghost talking began not too soon after that.

KONICA MINOLTA DIGITAL CAMERA

The tarot cards my Mom had (apparently she bought them as a gag gift for someone else and I got ahold of them) naked women on a few of the cards. I was smart enough not to take them to school, but I wanted to share my new talent with my friends, so I came up with a way to speak to the spirits where they could answer yes and no. In a regular deck of cards black numbers/letters meant yes and red numbers /letters meant no. One had to flip over cards over and over asking if a spirit was there until they finally said yes, and then it was a free for all of the most random questions a 12-year-old’s mind could come up with.

When I brought others into the mix it got complicated, and scary. A really hot guy (whose name I cannot remember at all so I am going to call him) Chris clearly didn’t like me as a person, I am not even sure to this day why he played the game with us for how pissed he would get with me, but after a few rounds of the talking dead game he would ask the spirits if they were as annoyed with me as he was. One specific time there was a group of us hanging out in a stairwell, when he asked the spirit if it could make me shut up, he flipped over the card. The letter was black. At the same moment a teacher opened the stairwell door, and we all ran out screaming. As if that was the sign. Once everyone gained their composure we went back into the stairwell to pick up the cards. More than half of them were ripped in almost the same fashion; it was pretty much the coolest thing any of us had seen. We were then convinced that we were talking to spirits, I informed Chris that I would no longer invite him to play with us, as he clearly didn’t care about my safety and he angrily told me that he would play on his own, but he never did. I guess I didn’t think about it until this moment, but he might have had a thing for me. I probably would have done something that stupid for someone else that I liked.

yeah

I stopped playing the game for good the night Mary slept over and asked “Will one of us die tonight?” She flipped over the card and it was black yes. I was so pissed off at her and worried, and she was pissed off at herself and worried; we stayed up most of the night wondering which of us it would be. When we finally got to sleep, I awoke to the sound of a cat screaming.
“Did you hear that Sonya?” Mary asked me, her voice pretty shaky.
“I think people in New York heard that.”
A few moments later a movie reel tin that had been in my closet untouched for months fell from its place and broke open on the floor.
“HOLY SHIT!” I said as I had become a sailor in third grade so people would back off my ‘goody-goodyness’
Mary started crying.
“This is your fault, why did you ask that question?”
“I didn’t think it would be a yes! How was I to know?”

The next morning we were both very much alive when we were woken to the sound of someone rapping on my window. We hugged one another and let out a sigh of relief, when the rapping occurred again. My Dad was pretty persistent when we had to do yard work, but I never really had to do it when friends were over. I moved back my curtain expecting to see my Dad, instead I saw a worn man in an army uniform… seriously if you told me the guy was dead I wouldn’t have even questioned it.
“Do you has agkjyrtogfbgfjksffy ytbgkjguklgdfyyj ksdfjkjkghgrtjkl?”
“WHAT?” I asked hoping this time it would make sense, so the guy would get off our property and away from my window.
“Do you has mmmmmmmmmmmmmmach?”
“Oh my God.” I whispered. This was how we were going to die; this army ghost man is going to take us to the pits of hell. “Go around the other side.” I told the man.
He walked to the front yard where my Dad was trimming bushes.
“Mary if this guy hurts my Dad it’s on you.” I fucking hated her, and the game, I wanted it to be over.
My Dad came in the house with a smile on his face, went to the kitchen and got matches for the army ghost man, and then the guy disappeared down the street (the street my family has lived on for almost 20 years now and I have NEVER seen army ghost man again).

I never told a soul about any of that, probably because my Mom would be super pissed, she told me I was never allowed to play with a ouija board, and I think what I did was pretty damn close. Even if it was all a game, even if the ouija board is just a fake out controlled by one’s friends… do you really want to know what kind of fucked up shit is going on in their mind? I am going to stay on this plane of reality, it’s crazy enough.

ouija_board

I Would Like to Thank the Media

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One would think by now I wouldn’t be surprised when things in (my) life end up nothing like the movies, alas I find at milestones I am still taken aback a little.

As a child I awaited my surprise party with such vigor, one might have believed I was going to explode.  That party never came.  Not that I didn’t have parties, but the end all be all, best party of all time was supposed to be the surprise party.  The closest I ever came to a surprise party, was the unannounced bratty neighbor girl crashing my sixth birthday/slumber-party party.  She brought with her a gigantic stuffed animal (a yellow bird), a horrible attitude, and a chatterbox mouth that ran for so long my Mom made me leave my own party and sleep in the creepy (Home Alone basement scene) living room, while my friends watched in horror for the monster we were all convinced was lurking just behind the couch, to come and eat me.

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In my teens I had a sweet sixteen party that went about zero percent the way the movies said it would.  The party was in the backyard, the carport was used as a dance floor, borrowed lawn furniture made up the tables and chairs, which were covered up by homemade tablecloths (poorly sewn on my part).  The only movieish thing I had was a DJ.  Before the party started my family and I ate pizza, we gave the DJ two slices and proceeded to set up for the party.  James warned the DJ not to leave his food on his chair because our dog would surely take it, but the fact that James was six must have made him easy to ignore, not even five minutes later the DJ was yelling at our dog to give him back his pizza… to no avail.

My first guest was my bestfriend’s boyfriend, Wilson.  I was really lucky he was there too; all night long he and I would fight with a neighbor who was determined to give us irrigation we were not supposed to have, completely dismissing the fact that there were people all over the yard and a DJ blasting 70s-80s music for everyone in the neighborhood to hear.

I expected two things to happen that night that never did.  I expected the guy I had had a crush on for two years to take me in his arms and kiss me like he had never kissed another person before (and for that to be my first kiss).  I also expected a brand new car (thanks for that one movies).  My crush did come to my party, he told me he was dared to kiss me (but never did), he danced with me for the last dance and once the music changed from slow to quick he shoved me back and literally screamed “IT WAS NICE DANCING WITH YOU SONYA!”  Then he stormed away.

The car was an entirely separate issue, not only did I not get a new car; I didn’t even have a hint toward a thought of a car.  It became very apparent quite quickly that any car I was to attain would be done on my own, if I could hold out until college (which I did) my parents would help me pay for half (which they did), but I still felt jaded that the movies had almost promised me those two things would happen, failing to recognize that the movies were more than likely geared toward people who had long since passed their own sixteenth birthdays.  You know how you go to the movies and you think and sometimes say out loud “That would never happen.”  I didn’t have that knowledge then.

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I believed that one day I would find out a million guys in school thought I was attractive; they were just too scared to say anything.  Any time (of the two times) that happens now I think, yeah right you just want to get laid.

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You will encounter your ex-so and so and things will be tense (sexually).

Hearts will swoon, there will be a moment when everything clicks and he realizes what he let go of, and I will either be so over it I pretend to be just as effected as he is, then chalk it up mentally when we part ways as a “win.”  Or we fall back in love and have nine million (or two) children, THEN live out the rest of our lives as if none of the problems that made us breakup in the first place exist anymore.

Technically I have yet to get married so he might come to the church and bang on the window, then climatically I will leave with him, and anticlimactically I will get on a bus in a wedding dress driving to nowhere and breaking the heart of my would be husband.   Sounds really stupid, unrealistic, and unkind now, “STELLA.”

****

“The best part of waking up is Folders in your cup.”

—Just kidding I never thought that——

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Movies made me believe that those who were in love would get engaged, become married, then have babies.  Other people’s lives could have indicated that that was untrue… but for me specifically….

My Ex and I were on the path to marriage, he bought an engagement ring (hardly worth the price he paid), I didn’t expect him to dangle it in front of my face, then throw me the curve ball and dump me instead.

I was also under the impression that people would date for, give or take two years, then fully commit to one another.  Fears and past rejections pushed aside, love could overcome all.  Next month I will have been with my boyfriend for five years… and I am happy to say he FINALLY asked me to marry him, about a week ago (but holy gees that took forever).  That question has fueled this post because…

photo

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The movies made me believe that planning a wedding is stressful, rewarding, time consuming, but manageable.  The perfect dress will fall in my lap.  Things will go wrong but everything will turn out perfectly in the end.  The only ingredient I never considered, nor questioned was money.

The movies allowed me to believe that my dream wedding (which I have been very careful never to plan… rather than get my hopes up again only to be teased by an engagement ring’s ghost all over again), was not only attainable, but funding wouldn’t even be a question.

I thought my parents had a nest egg set aside for me, as if we were living in the 1800’s and Mike took a goat to their house for my hand in marriage.

The preliminary planning has begun and I have already heard:

“Are you sure you don’t want to just JOP (Justice of the Peace) this situation?”

“You guys should have a potluck.”

“You should do it on the mountain he proposed on.”

I didn’t even get to pretend to dream big before the crushing reality of no money, double full time students, and a desire to marry next year came crashing down on me all at once.

I am pretty sure my Mom wants us to do it in her backyard, that can hold maybe fifty people, and the car port can double as a stage.  If we do, I am going to full on punch the guy who makes the irrigation go in our lawn during the festivities.   Then, like in the movies I will have punched a full grown man, in a wedding dress, on my wedding day, outside, surrounded by all my friends and family.

Should anyone read this and have ideas for a kick butt wedding and little to no funding let me know… or if your life is just like a movie I wouldn’t mind hearing about that either.  Cheers.

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